blue new year earth wonder musings

January 4 stone~

like a January spotlight

the sun takes short, daily excursions

across the blue,

exposing harsh flaws

and daylight dreams

for nighttime tea.

blue~

When I was a little girl I thought that heaven was a place that I'd be ushered into by angels and then be offered a seat among rows where I'd sit and watch every single moment of my earthly life appear before me like a fast-paced movie.    Time would be heaven-time, and know no before, after, or in-between bounds.     I could view my mistakes, my glories, and my days.   All those moments I had forgotten would move past - frame by frame.    Some would make me laugh, some would make me squirm.   But none would be missing.   They would all be right there, in life's completion of all my seconds gone by.   Like drops in the pool.

The other evening, while reading a post about wine and weddings on someone's blog, memories were awakened of an event long-gone.    I recalled my wedding day so many years ago.   The details that I remember:  
My dress was beige taffeta with large purple dahlias - purchased at a vintage clothing store on Brady St.    The shoes were borrowed from a friend and spray-painted purple to match.    My flowers were from the roadside ditch - daisies I think, and purple thistle.     The minister who performed the ceremony was a guy my husband had met in a bar while I was away on vacation - he had formed his own church called The People's Love Unification Church or something to that effect.    After the three-minute ceremony the five of us headed to a Serbian restaurant for food and drink.   It was all over in a matter of hours, no fanfare, no guests.   Just my husband's brother and my best friend.    But it was lovely, really.  Like the marriage.   But after 17 years the marriage was over.   I have no regrets and I don't usually look back.   It's only baggage. 

more blue~

When the calendar turns over a new year I get the urge to purge.    This morning my door stoop was filled with bags of cast-offs for pick-up by the Purple Heart truck.     Life's baggage can get heavy to carry around - stuff and thoughts both.   They can become obsolete and useless, like a snow fence when there's no snow.    I suspect that most people have a desire to look forward when a new year begins.     That made me wonder if looking back is healthful.    And that brought me to the conclusion that for myself, I prefer to look not in one direction alone, but all around.   I prefer to look 360 degrees, (especially up!) because life isn't linear so much as a circle.    It begins, it flows, and eventually comes back around - hopefully sprinkled with a bit of wisdom.   It's amazing who we become when we're not ourselves.    And it's amazing when we find our way back too.    I embrace it all.

Thanks for checking out my blue musings today.  I'm linking up with my dear friend Ana over at Wonderland.   If you have some quiet moments, head over there and check out all the expressions of blue.  You'll be glad you did.

I'm also participating in January River of Stones.   I enjoy participating in River of Stones,  because I believe it increases my awareness of all that IS in those 360 degrees (and up!).     I won't be posting my stone every day, but I'll be writing it down.   For safe keeping awhile, in the backpack of my life.   And when the stones get too heavy, I'll set them down in the river bed.